he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
