We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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