A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
