I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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