She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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