Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
