I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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