Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
