i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
