yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
