what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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