paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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