It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
