My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
