he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
