ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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