So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
