so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
