im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So much rum. So many feels.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
