I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
