I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
kristin has been a bad kristin
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
