It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
