Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
