I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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