He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
