So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
