Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
