happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
