Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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