We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
