One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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