How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That accounts for only three of the penises
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
