he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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