so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
