before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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