i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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