I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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