I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
