Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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