you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
