So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There are leaves in my underwear?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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