I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
