Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
