i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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