so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
