Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
