Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
