No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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