Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
