are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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